8 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Abuse isn't 'frivolous'

To the Editors:

JUNE 7, 1996

I am writing to highlight the coverage of a domestic violence trial that was reported in the mainstream press on Friday, May 10. I was furious to read that the jury found the charges against Mary Briggs to be "frivolous."

When women stay in violent relationships, society rebukes them by asking, "Why does she stay?" (Of course, there are countless, valid reasons why abused women don't leave.) When women leave and courageously report their perpetrators as Elizabeth Berrey did (after the first physically abusive episode) society reprimands her for “wast(ing) taxpayer money." Obviously, battered women can't win.

Batterers don't often abuse women in public, but in this case, Briggs did. Before the incident of physical abuse, I was present when she verbally assaulted Elizabeth, and intimidated and threatened her. She displayed numerous rifles and guns in the middle of the kitchen floor, menacing those of us there. I felt afraid for Elizabeth and for myself.

After months of verbal and emotional abuse, Elizabeth headed for the advice of professionals in the battered women's movement. Briggs' actions were escalating to the point where they feared for Elizabeth's safety. As a result, after Briggs physically assaulted her, Elizabeth reported the abuse, got a protection order, and left her home. She took all the "right" steps that society says women "should" take when they find themselves being victimized by their partners. How can this courageous act be labeled as "frivolous"?

I admire Elizabeth for her courage to act. I refuse to be influenced by society's denial, and I will rename "frivolity" bravery.

Susan Radbourne Berea

Don't deceive wife

To the Editors:

I enjoy M.T. Martone's advice column every issue. She is hip, witty, smart and wise. But I must speak up about her recent advice to a college student who is having an affair with his married boss [May 3].

Tipper suggested that performing sexual favors for job security isn't something to be ashamed of, that the relationship between the two men is an economic one. Kudos to M.T. for challenging age-old views that sex is bad. But she goes on to suggest that our college lad "be a proud whore," advocating that he and his boss should continue to deceive the boss's wife and children!

Mary, you might as well advocate murder. Offing the wife and kids would at least be honest.

Daniel Duke Cleveland

This could be you

An open letter:

We talked about our mutual attraction. You said I looked real cute and do I fool around? Was I alone or with someone? We talked some more. You said my eyes were incredible. I got nervous and you laughed. I thought you had a great laugh. You told me I was funny, I like that. It was getting late. Against my better judgement, I said, sure I'll leave with you after I tell you something, I'm HIV positive. You said "So what?" and excused yourself to the bathroom.

Got the picture? Been there, done that? I could've been there to hold you when you're alone. I could've been on your arm so you don't feel alone in a crowd. We could've just laid together and listened to a distant train. At the least, I could have had "connections" for you to use.

Dislike me 'cause I'm a jerk. Or I smoke and you don't. I drool and hog the blanket. But don't dismiss me. Don't disregard what life I have left. I am alive. I am somebody, I matter.

I could be you.

Name withheld by request Cleveland

SPEAK OUT

Changing name of march was wrong

To the Editors:

This letter is written in great disbelief of what the Cleveland Pride March has done to the memory of Timothy Scott Hilyard. Last year the Cleveland Pride March decided to dedicate the march in living and loving memory of Timothy Scott Hilyard because, to be quite frank, if it had not been for this one individual, Pride would not be where it is today.

Not even one year after Tim's untimely death, Cleveland Pride has decided to change the name to just "The Pride Parade”—period. After speaking with Brynna Fish about my concerns of this matter, I was brushed off and told to call a board member, as she did not have a say in the matter. She felt the change was for the best, and said, "How many people can we have the march named after due to all the work they do?" She added that it would be in the city's best interest to drop the name, and said she wouldn't want it to become "The Timothy Scott Hilyard and Brynna Fish Pride March."

The board member I spoke with also reinforced this thinking, and then went on to say that the majority of this years' board are newcomers. People, you need to do your history before a decision like that is made, or speak with someone close to the issue, like Ray Newborn.

Excuse me here for a minute, but there is a huge difference between what Tim did and what Brynna does each year. For example:

1. Brynna has been paid yearly to head this event while every other person, including Tim, were volunteers. Every year her salary rises and quite frankly, after last year I am surprised she was rehired.

2. The majority of any fundraising has been done by drag queens who are friends with Tim and Ray Newborn. Many of us, if not all, are volunteers.

3. Tim never alienated anyone. Last year was the perfect example of this when any Pride event that was well advertised and supported by Brynna was a lesbian event. Excuse me here, but Pride is not the Women's Festival. The volunteers remember all too well the Leather Stallion/Greg Amil incident with Brynna.

I wrote an article for last year's Pride Guide on behalf of Tim's memory and I take great pride in that article and the person Tim was, and the person he helped me to become as a result of being his friend. Last year I wrote, "There were also times that he would be upset at how people in this city would interact with each other, treat each other, how some of us just sit idly by and do very little or nothing. There were many things we did not understand, and those of us who are left still do not."

For the life of me, I cannot figure out how this year's Pride board could do such a disgrace to anyone's memory. It is a slap in the face of Timothy S. Hilyard, his lover, every volunteer Pride has ever had, all of Ray and Tim's friends and family, and lastly every single person in this city living with HIV/ AIDS.

Tim called us to take action to bring about transformation from our old ways to a new and brighter future. He encouraged us to go through this metamorphosis together hand in hand, rather than alone. He wished that as a community we would strive to better ourselves, each other and the world. He left us the greatest of gifts; his vision of hope and peace for the future, his unending love and unwavering compassion for this city and every person in it, and his eternal pride in who he was. He gave the best parts of himself, even while being afflicted with disease. We in return are required to give it back to him and to each other.

I cannot believe that Pride stole the one thing from Tim that they are to be promoting-pride itself! Dropping Tim's name from the Pride March makes about as much sense as University Hospitals dropping the name of Dr. John Carey from their Special Immunology Unit, just because there may be more people who come along and do as much work as he did. I for one cannot believe that we has a community have forgotten our pioneers. As

long as they are living, giving, and volunteering that's all that matters, but as soon as they are dead, they are forgotten, or so it

seems.

I am calling for every single person who know Tim or Ray to boycott this year's festival and march. We encourage people to withhold donations and products and not to buy vending space until this matter is resolved. We resolve to keep the Pride march the Timothy Scott Hilyard Memorial March, lest we forget.

Charles Dale-Rooy & Ronald G. Rooy U. Ray Newborn

Mr. & Mrs. Darryl Hilyard

Diane Bender Guari McPherson

Mr. & Mrs. Charles A. Dale Shane B. Dale

P. Howell

J. Carlson Terry Ebel Ron Brummitt Kevin Hastings Luther & Wayne Phil Stivick Valarie & Vaughn Stakes "Magic" Bill Sawyer Eddie Gregory Jeff Binkley

Since our next issue does not come out until after Cleveland's Pride Day, the above letter was made available to the Cleveland Pride committee, giving them the opportu-Editors nity to respond in this issue.

To the family and friends of Tim Hilyard:

I hear you saying that the Pride parade was named in honor of Tim Hilyard, that the parade name has been changed to not include Tim's name, and that you believe this change is wrong-so wrong that you don't want to support the parade or the festival.

I understand that you are feeling hurt, angry and disappointed by what you are experiencing, and I believe your pain is very real. It makes the pain of not having Tim present in your life even harder to take, especially at this time when the 1996 Pride parade is only a couple of weeks away-and just last year Tim's work was honored in such a special way.

I also believe that your thoughts and expectations have been guided by someone whose intentions were good, but whose own thoughts were influenced by hopes rather than things that really happened or that were said. Hopefully, I will be able to help you see a little more of what the committee's thinking was then, and now.

My part of the process where we renamed the Pride parade to honor Tim Hilyard is particularly clear to me, because I was the only one at the committee meeting who openly challenged the group to consider this decision carefully-what it meant for the future. That caution was interpreted by some as a disliking of Tim, which caused some words and tension that needed to be addressed right then. I took a moment to share where I was coming from-as a responsible board member, offering whatever guidance I can to the group.

It was uncomfortable because I felt I was hurting Tim's loved ones, when that was not my goal at all. Within that discomfort, and because one person had already started announcing it to the public, we left the discussion with a general consensus that we would honor Tim Hilyard with the 1995 parade, and then re-evaluate this for next year.

I honestly believe that those closest to Tim sort of skipped over in their minds the part about it being for one year and then reevaluated for next year. They were decent, hard-working committee members, and I

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Volume 11, Issue 24

Publisher:

Martha J. Pontoni

Patti Harris Doreen Cudnik Brian De Witt

Business Manager: Managing Editor: Associate Editor: Reporters & Writers: Ken Bradley,

John Graves, Nels P. Highberg, Jenny Lauro, Dawn Leach, Bruce Mann, M.T. Martone, Daniel R. Mullen, Tamara Murphy, Andrea L.T. Peterson, Timothy Robson, Thom Sommers, John Young

Photographers:

Art Director: Production/Admin.:

Advertising Manager: National Advertising:

Barbara Bodemer, LeeAnn McGuire Christine Hahn Gina Adkins David A. Ebbert Rivendell Marketing 212-242-6863 David A. Ebbert 800-426-5947

The Gay People's Chronicle is dedicated to providing a space in the Ohio lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender community for all of its members to communicate and be involved with each other. This means that every Chronicle, to the best of its ability, will be equally dedicated to both men's and women's issues, as well as issues that affect the entire community. This balance will provide lesbians and gay men with a forum to air grievances and express joys.

-The Gay People's Chronicle is copyrighted under federal law. Any reproduction of its contents is prohibited unless permission is obtained.

Any material submitted for publication will be subject to editing. The Chronicle cannot guarantee return of any such materials unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

The Gay People's Chronicle is not responsible for claims made by advertisers. We reserve the right to reject advertising which is unsuitable for our publication.

P.O. Box 5426 Cleveland, OH 44101 216-631-8646

Fax: 216-631-1082 Toll Free: 800-426-5947 America Online: ChronOhio Internet: chronohio@aol.com

Next Chronicle comes out Friday, June 21

The Gay People's Chronicle is published every other Friday, except the first issues in January and June. Display ad and article deadlines are 10 to 12 days prior to publication. Call for specific dates. Calendar, Classified, and Personal deadlines are earlier, and are shown in each of those sections. Advertisers:

Call, fax, or write for rate sheets and information, to the numbers in the masthead above. Subscriptions:

Subscriptions are 13 issues for $15.00, and 25 issues (1 year) for $30.00, sent in a plain envelope. (For faster first-class delivery, add $6.50 for 13 issues, 12.50 for 25 issues to cover extra postage.) Mail check or money order with your address to the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101.

That brings us to this year's Pride parade. It was time to re-evaluate. We have almost an entirely new committee and board from the one that existed at the time the parade name decision was made. With what we have to go on, we believe that it was a really good thing to have honored Tim Hilyard in 1995. We choose not to honor any one individual this year, even though Tim and several others have made significant contributions to moving us all forward in our personal Pride, and within the greater community. We believe the parade should not be named for any one person.

Family and friends of Tim: I am sorry you have experienced more pain. I believe that no wrong has been done, even though some of you are feeling hurt right now. Please reconsider your understanding of the situation, and join us on Pride day. Come to Pride because it helps someone who would otherwise remain in the closet, alone and hurting in many ways. Come to Pride because Tim was about people coming together, not staying apart.

Scott C. Hare on behalf of the Cleveland Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Pride, Inc. board and committee

don't believe they are making it up now. But Tip your server

I also clearly remember how it went.

It's also worth noting that the 1995 Pride Guide article written about the name change accurately reflected the committee's decision in its opening sentence: "The Cleveland Pride march this year has been dedicated to the loving memory of one man who stood as a symbol of pride and respect in Cleveland, Timothy S. Hilyard.” [Italics added.]

To the Editors:

We are two hardworking lesbians working within the GLB service industry.

One of us works in a queer-friendly restaurant and the other works in a local queer bar. We have become increasingly disillusioned with the consistent lack of considerContinued on facing page